My daughter is a pretty good cheerleader and I was surprised to hear her say as we drove to the field that she didn't know if he was going to cheer the following year. I couldn't believe my ears. I remembered how excited she had been when she made the team at the beginning of the season. This was her first year on the high school team and she had always loved the sport. All you had to do was take one look at her room filled with her youth trophies and medals, walls covered with cheer posters, and a megaphone rug and you just knew this.
What could make her want to quit? Not surprisingly she told me that she thought that the coach was too hard on her and not fair with the others. "It's like we can't do anything right," She said softly. The fact that they were in the top five of the Conference Competition was proof that they had done some things right.
Unfortunately, my daughter’s story is all too common. While the physical and emotional benefits of sports are undeniable, a significant drop out rate in interscholastic sports has emerged. The private gyms are getting these good athletes, not to mention good students and over-all good people. Many are business-like and putting the customer first!
When children quit playing they are missing out on a valuable opportunity for physical and emotional health. Organized sports provide a forum to learn valuable life skills including goal-setting, acceptance of diversity, team-work, cooperation and leadership skills.
So who is to blame for this? One study found that the top two reasons children cited for quitting organized sports were that it was no longer fun or no longer interesting. The individual who should be held accountable for this is the coach. Many people underestimate the influence that a coach can have on child athletes. Research shows that the influence of a coach is second only to that of a parent - more so in cases where a child has lost a parent or when there is marital conflict in the home.
What can be done to deal with an abusive coach? "I don't know what to do, I've tried to talking to the coach but it's like it goes in one ear and out the other." This is a fairly common problem that many parents experience - how do you deal with an emotionally abusive coach. I don't think that there is a single parent that would allow their child to be physically abused by a coach, so emotional abuse shouldn't be any different.
The easiest way to deal with an abusive coach is to not allow him or her to come into contact with our children. Simply put, stop the problem before it occurs. Prevent the problem. To do this, you need to do some self-examination and research. Year-end evaluations from the coach, from the cheerleaders and from the parents is a must. How many times have you observed practice from afar or stood outside the gym and listened? How many times have you interacted with the team as a whole during the season?
Investigate the type of people that you have approved or even hired for the coaching position. Ask and evaluate their style:
COMMAND COACHES: make all the decisions and the young athlete is supposed to simply respond to orders. While they are often successful in terms of (winning), this type of coach tends to make their athletes want to quit because of their tendency to push too hard and to disregard input from the athletes.
SUBMISSIVE COACHES make as few decisions as possible- which can result in a great deal of chaos. This coaching style is often unsuccessful in terms of winning as well as retaining kids in the sport. Some kids on the team may become overly domineering and critical of others which can result in your child losing interest. Bullying and Narcissistic personalities emerge (and usually win).
COOPERATIVE COACHES recognize their role as the team leader but share some of the decision making with the athletes. This is easily the best type of coach for a child. While they provide a great deal of structure, they do so in a healthy way.
You should ask questions about the coach's specific expectations, such as: practice attendance, season goals, selection of team captains, and game participation by team members. Watch a practice. Watch how they interact with the players. Do they vary the drills that they use to keep kids interested? Do the kids experience more success then failure? Do they praise the athletes either verbally or non-verbally? Do they talk to all the kids or do they play favorites? Do they continually cut practice short? Do they ever promote academics? Do they bring their own siblings and spend part of their time minding their own kids? Do they discuss character issues and the role of a cheerleader? The goal should be enjoyment, advancement, pride and involvement.
After the parent has spoken with the coach, and the behavior does not change ( This is particularly true when dealing with an individual who wants to being in charge), you should expect be contacted.
Should the problem persist, it may be necessary for the parent to remove the child from the team, if they haven’t quit already. If this is the case, you should be prepared for a formal complaint to be filed with the school or other administrative body. Unfortunately, this will do very little to help the child, but could be valuable to everyone in the future. Behavior patterns are very stable over time, and it is likely that the coach will continue with his behavior. While one complaint may not be grounds for dismissal, a repeated pattern of behavior is. It is especially important to talk to your cheerleaders. Many parents will agree and grumble but will not "make waves". They do not want to jeopardize the popularity of their daughter.
It's a shame if it comes to this since the cheerleader is not responsible for the coach's behavior. While she may resist the idea initially in the long run it will be more damaging to her to remain with this individual. Finally, try to get them involved with another interscholastic team or activity. The benefits of organized sports are too numerous to allow a bad experience with a coach to keep them from participating.
